It's Just a Joke

Here’s a little story I heard a while ago. There was this married guy that didn’t get along well with his wife and wanted to get rid of her. He couldn’t divorce her because it was a community property state and he didn’t want to give her anything.

He didn’t know what to do, but one day he was explaining his problem to a guy he knew at the gym who was in the Mafia. The Mafia guy asked if he had thought about murdering his wife. The guy explains he wouldn’t have the guts to do that. So the Mafia guy says to just hire a killer. The married guy says he wouldn’t know how to do that, and the Mafia guy says he’ll send around his personal hit man and do it as a favor.

So, pretty soon the married guy meets up with the Mafia hit man named Arthur, but he prefers just “Artie.” He says he would be glad to rub out the guy’s wife and would do if for free as a favor. The married guy says that wouldn’t be fair because Artie is a professional and he should be paid for his work. So the hit man says, “If that’s so important to you, then just pay me a dollar.”

So the hit is arranged. Artie explains that he will follow the wife until she’s at the grocery store. He says that is the perfect place because he can find a deserted aisle and there will be no witnesses. He explained that he just strangles the victim because then there is no noise or blood or any murder weapon to tie him to the crime. With no witnesses, it is a perfect crime.

So the hit man follows the wife to the grocery store and waits until she is in a deserted aisle and grabs her and strangles her. Just as he’s finishing, a clerk comes out of the back room and sees him. Since he can’t have any witnesses, he strangles the clerk too. But, by then, a shopper comes into the aisle with her cart. So, the hit man has no choice but to strangle her too. But, by then, he’s spent too much time in the store and the cops arrive and he’s arrested.

The next day the newspaper headline reads, “Artie chokes three for a dollar at Safeway.”